Homesick or just Sick?
Sebelumnya, maaf untuk semuanya karena ini bakal jadi ceritaku yg paling lemah, cengeng, mewek, drama, or whatever.
Tapi sebelumnya aku juga mau minta maaf karna aku bakal nulis ini dgn kadang Indonesia, kadang English. Karena I'm trying guys, aku sedang mencoba utk terbiasa. Karna kalo engga mencoba, sampai kapan kalian mau terus 'nggak bisa' ?
Buat kalian yg baca ini, dan tau letak kesalahanku, maksudnya grammar, vocab or etc, plis kasih tau... Thx y'all
Ok first, I don't wanna look like a shit bcs I'm telling u about my weakness. I just wanna share this without gets a bad comments (menghina dkk).
Today, last day in May 2018.
I was feeling sick. I don't know, it just felt like 'everything is very cold, but my forehead isn't'
And I tried to tell my friends in a group chat. Unfortunately, there were 2 humans read. But one of those two, tried to make a joke. She said something dumb i have to do. Then I said "have u done before?"
She said "no, absolutely no"
But I don't care, I just wanna tell my pain. So i said "my hands fingers feel froze. I'm too scare to tell them (my grandparents) *aku lg dirumah simbah emg sambil nunggu utul*. It feels like when i was in 2nd grade of middle school, and it was classmeeting"
But, no response. Then i said "maybe u have forgotten"
Honestly, i felt sooo sad.
I just think 'hey... It's me, your friend. I'm feeling sick rn, but what have you done?'
Fortunately, my other friend asked me that i had to drink water as much as i can then take a rest.
So I went to the kitchen and make a hot tea. Fyi tanganku gemeteran ngga bohong. Dari awal aku ngerasa ngga enak badan aku udah nangis. Jadi ngga heran mataku bengkak. Jadi pas sampe dapur mataku udh sembap, and I tried to look b aja bcs there was my grandma in there. She looked my face, then said "sana makan ki," FYI aku lg ngga puasa.
Oke aku makan, nasinya masih panas jd kupikir bisa ngurangin rasa menggigil ini.
Pas lagi makan, simbah dateng liatin "dikit bgt, tambah lagi"
Then, I cried.
Gila ya, emang cuma ibu yg ngerti semuanya. Even my own grandma couldn't see that. My face was pale, mataku sembap. Honestly, I cried.
Bahkan mungkin ibuku udah tau 'aku kenapa-napa' sejak aku kedapur bikin teh. Karna jarang bgt aku bikin teh. I mean, ya for what gitu bikin teh. But my grandma doesn't.
She always ordered me to eat, eat, eat, sleep, pray and obviously go outside (membaur, u know?)
Terus, aku ya we, kalo lagi feel bad, bad sekalian. Pikiranku nyampe ke "yaAllah beginikah harga yg harus dibayar supaya masuk UGM?" Iya! Aku slalu menyangkut pautkan apapun dengan mimpi-mimpiku.
Begini kata hatiku
'Katanya hidup itu kadang dibawah, kadang diatas. Terus kapan aku diatasnya? (Mulai ngga bersyukur nih). *sambil nangis ya ini we btw, emg dramatis gitu-_-
Kenapa Udin*, yg dari IPA aja bisa lolos SNM ke hukum? Kenapa Bambang*, dia baru yakin dengan pilihannya pas isi data, lolos SNM ke UGM? Dan katanya kalo dia lolos stan dia bakal ninggalin UGM.
Aku yg dari dulu, kepingin, ngga lolos tuh. Bahkan aku kesusahan belajar soshum buat SBM. Kenapa Joko*, yg katanya kalo ngga lolos SNM bakal ke poltek, lolos ke UGM? Akuuu??? Dari dulu aku tekad kalo ngga lolos SNM ya belajar buat SBM. Maaf kalo kasar, tapi tekad utk menggapai impian tuh besaran tekadku ngga sih yaAllah? Walaupun usahaku emang kurang. Tapi setidaknya niatku....'
*ini nangisnya makin kenceng dan bener-bener bad side aku banget. NGGA BERSYUKUR! SELALU LIAT KEATAS! ASTAGHFIRULLAH....
Tapi itu emang bener sih. *mulai lagi-_-
Tapi itu semuanya emang salah ya, kita semua punya cara masing-masing utk meraih apa yg kita inginkan. Semua punya 'rasa sakit' nya masing-masing. Setiap orang beda-beda dan ngga boleh ada yg maksain 'harus sama'.
Jadi, itulah 'rasa sakit' ku hari ini.
Thx for coming, reading, and crying?
Haha obviously no!
You're not weak, I'm weak
See y'all
4 komentar
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ReplyDeleteHai hai Rizki milenia/Rizki/Kiki/kimel/kim. Fyi I always read ur blog . Even I'm late or not to read ur blog , I always read that . I'm saying this not to get a respect or wut . I'm just saying coz I love ur blog . I love the reason why u r writing also . Andd to keep it mind , u r not as weak as u think . Everyone do that sometime . Everyone have a negative side too n for me it's ok not to be oke huh . So yea, if u don't mind I will be glad if u say wht u r thinking in ur blog . And i'll always cheer u up from here . Keep fighting ha . Keep chasing ur dream . Coz u r soooo cool if u do that . Last but not least , I'm your fans �� I learnt so many things from ur creation (poems) . I'm so appreciate that (:
ReplyDeleteNiat banget Ga tuh Aisyah nulis . Daripada belum terbilang kan . Kan umur Ga ada yang tau . Hahaha
BTW editing yaa yang tadi kurang mewakili perasaan . Hahaha
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